Leafs Flush Crapitals

Toronto 7 Washington 1

TORONTO – The Leafs jumped to an early lead 23 seconds in with a goal by Ed Lampros and then cruised for the next 59 minutes and 37 seconds. Despite some bad penalties early on, the Leafs built their momentum and skated circles around the glacially slow Capitals.

Renberg was the big star with 2 goals and 2 assists. "I felt like I was playing against a Tiny-Mite team out there. I mean, those guys should do some practicing or else they’ll get hurt", Renberg said after the game. Leafs Captian Mats Sundin commented to reporters in a post game interview that "even though they played like shit, we’ll take the win."

The Washington Dressing room looked like the opening credits of a Richard Simmons video as the bloated players gasped for breath between cups of beer flavoured sports drink. "We need to get back in shape and back into the season." The once mulleted Jaromir Jagr told reporters. "We have to focus on when we looked good out there and build up on that." he added.

Unfortunately for the Craps, they only looked good during the national anthems, and even then a lot of the fans at the new MLG thought they were just posing.

Toronto is tied for first in the East with the New York Rangers, the Florida Panthers, New Jersey Devils and Philadelphia Flyers. Ed Lampros is still tied for third in scoring but now with 7 points. The Leafs next game is against the New Jersey Devils in Jersey.

Leafs Hammer Canadiens

Toronto 11 Montreal 4

Toronto – From the newly renovated Maple Leaf Gardens, to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II dropping the ceremonial puck, the 2004-2005 home opener for Leaf fans was magical even before the Leafs scored their first of 11 goals.

"We came out flying", Toronto forward and Molson Canadian First Star Gary Roberts said. "We knew we had to come out swinging here tonight after choking on knob so hard last year in the playoffs. Ya know, with the Gardens, the Queen and all the fans we we’re pumped and it showed in our game." Roberts converted 2 of his 5 shots on net for goals and added 5 assists on the night.

"The boys did good tonight", Coach Pat Quinn said after the game. "I just hope we can carry on dominating like we did tonight through the rest of the season." When asked which Leaf impressed him the most, Quinn responded that it had to new Leaf acquisition Ed Lampros. "He kicked a lot of ass tonight, got in a few scraps and scored some goals. That’s what I want to see out there."

Lampros, who had spent the last 2 years with the Kitchener Bonghogs and Cleveland Steamerers of the RBHL (Rust Belt Hockey League), scored a hat trick and notched 2 assists. His second goal, a quick wrist shot from the top of the circle beat Jose Theodore on the short side and found the mesh. "It was great scoring here in the Gardens, in front of the Queen…especially against Montreal. All of the guys’s goals were great. Knowing that I was ruining everyone’s night in Montreal whenever I scored made me feel great. I wish we could play Montreal every game", the newest Leaf said after the game.

New Habs Coach, Pierre Sanchez, was disappointed with the end result and said that the loss was due to the dominating Leafs and the lack of focus of his Canadiens. "All dem guys ‘ere on da team know dat da Leafs ‘ave a good team dis year and dat dey are out to win le coupe Stanley. When we get back to Montreal, we gonna look at way to make the team bedder and bedder."

Toronto is currently tied for first in the east with 8 other teams at points each. Gary Roberts leads the league in scoring with 7 points followed by Detroit’s Brett Hull with 6. Lampros is tied for third with 5 points.

The Leafs next game is at home against the Washington Crapitals.

Season starts today!

The Hockey season is done for, so another year ticks by with the Leafs being cupless. I decided that I'd run a fantasy season using NHL 2004 on my PC as the Leafs to see how they would've done.

I realise that there is a similar thing going on on some of the newspapers out there on the net, but I felt that I'd like to get in on the action too.

So stay tuned. Lo Geafs Lo!